#FirstPerson - "How My Mother Performed My Kanyadaan"
BY Garvita | 19 Mar, 2020 | 3049 views | 4 min read
When we read this story, we had happy tears in our eyes! While the wedding pictures express everything, it was Preethi's choice of words that left us speechless. Be it her hunt for a priest who finally agreed (yes, she was refused by many) to let her mother perform the rituals (which is generally done by the bride's father) or her idea to inspire others out there; we loved how she broke the norms and made a strong point about gender equality.
Weva Photography beautifully captured each and every emotion through their lens! Drive through to get mesmerised.
How They Met
I am a Malaysian and my husband is an Indian NRI. We met at an international residential school in Chennai in 2009! And the rest is history. :)
The Wedding Celebrations
I am a Tamil-Brahmin and my husband is a Malayali Christian! We had 2 weddings, a Christian one in Kerala and a TamBrahm one in Chennai.
Preethi's Story
I am the only child to a single mother!
To give you a little bit of a back story, my father left the picture when I was about 12 years old, with no contact and my mother took on both roles and raised me completely on her own. My father left while my mother was in Russia, studying hard to become a doctor (her dream). Once she learned my father left, she came back for me. And kickstarted her career in a different field to help make ends meet.
She worked really hard, and never let me wait for anything that I needed. She fulfilled each and every wish of mine! So this amazing woman in my eyes was the head of our little family.
How Preethi's Mother Performed The Kanyadaan
When the time came to start planning the wedding, I decided I wanted a traditional Tamil Brahmin wedding as well, and traditionally the bride is seated on her father’s lap during the kanyadaan and while the thaali is tied on the neck of the bride. My heart sank a little the moment a family member said, I would have to sit on my uncle’s lap (mother’s brother who is a wonderful person and has been there for me, as a father figure, through the years) for the ritual.
I realised then that Brahmin wedding traditions are so staunch and rigid that it would take a lot to convince a priest to allow me to sit on my mother’s lap, and let her perform my kanyadaan as the rightful head of my family. We went through more than a dozen priests before we found the right one who had an open mind towards my request!
She is the coolest mother and more of a best friend to me! And I am so sure there are thousands of single Indian mothers slaying it each day and they deserve to get this chance at their daughter’s wedding too, instead of just being present in the background! While patriarchy prevented them from being there for her kids on their special day, as they have been for every other day of their lives.
Vendors
Venue - San Event Hall ; Planner & Decor - Wedding Aaha ; Bridal Outfits (Sarees and Madisar) - Vara Mahalakshmi Silks, Chennai, Kumaran Silks, Chennai, Samyakk (Handmade Blouses) - Ishithaa Design House, Chennai ; Bridal Jewellery - Malabar Gold , Chennai, Kushals Jewellery, Rimli Boutique , bits & pieces from my mother’s personal collection that she inherited from our ancestors ; Groom Outfit - Panchakacham, Kanchipuram, VML Silks, Chennai ; Photography - Weva Photography ; MUA - Lavanya Eugine Bridal Makeup Artist
Preeti decided to share her story to reach out to more Indian brides-to-be and encourage them to follow their hearts and not bend down to patriarchal Indian wedding traditions! Eventually, making their wedding the most meaningful and memorable day of their lives. Team WedMeGood totally lauds her idea! Definitely inspo-worthy.
